I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
