Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
