Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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