She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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