One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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