I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
