I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize