i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
