She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
