dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
