The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
