I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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