I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
