the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
