Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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