What did we do last night that was yellow?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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