you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
