Your tits are I can't wait for
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i think my cat just said my name.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
