I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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