Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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