whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
