there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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