I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
