Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
