Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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