and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
