I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
