It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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