Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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