I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
