he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
