dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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