I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
