There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
