Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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