you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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