If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
