Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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