bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
