So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
