I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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