He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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