she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
ttyl tear gas
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
