Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
