We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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