yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
