at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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