Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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