If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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