Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
