So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Enjoy the penises
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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